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francesca (Friday, 27 July 2012 10:45)
a grotescque point of view, but it has some potential. according to me, the main problem is with the formatting. the dialogue doesn't have to be centered in the page but the lines have to be centered
on the character's name. Don't number the scenes. It's not a shooting script. never write about a character's action in the dialogue. Just describe his/her moving and doing things in the scene
description. A rare use of parenthesis is allowed, for example:
last advice: we don't need to know the exact time scene by scene unless a bomb is about to explode. DAY or NIGHT is enough. Keep writing!
sankar jayaraman (Friday, 27 July 2012 16:20)
Wafer thin characters, nothing to empathise about for either one, very clunky dialogue, decent-ish plot , but could have been built up much better.
Jim Nadackal (Friday, 27 July 2012 21:06)
Francesca, thank you for your detailed feedback. Means a lot to me - This is my first script ever, and such specific feedback is extremely helpful for someone learning the craft. I also realised that
I need to improve how I transfer the story in my mind to a meaningful script and tag-line. For example, I started this as a sad story of a lonely fellow pretending to be a Casanova, and ended up with
this grotseque version. It's really helpful to understand how the story looks from a reader's point of view... Thanks a lot.
Jim Nadackal (Saturday, 28 July 2012 09:14)
Thanks for the feedback, Sankar. I will work on it