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Elaine (Friday, 27 July 2012 21:27)
lovely story, well written and very touching.
Milethia (Friday, 27 July 2012 21:31)
Barbara. I don't know how many entries there will have been with an older couple at the centre, and particularly a script in which one cares for another. I enjoyed this for this reason.
I found the piece poignant. Seeing Peggy doing everything for her husband - it is effect how you have this set-up so that we don't see him straightaway; the way in which she talks to him, defending
her children; how all that she does is obviously a struggle.
Then we see Henry, and realise just what it is she has to do.
The kiss at the end, on her wrist, is lovely; really gives the feeling that he has had a moment of recognition.
When you say 'Peggy smiles' after he does this, perhaps you could give a little more. I imagine this is something he used to do, but obviously doesn't do anymore, so Peggy might.. I don't
know...gasp...cover her mouth with her hand...touch his face... etc.
Milethia (Friday, 27 July 2012 21:32)
That should read... 'It is effective...'
barbara (Saturday, 28 July 2012 09:57)
thank you for reading and liking, elaine and milethia!
milethia, i see what you mean about the end: she should really have more of a reaction to the kiss. reading it now, i think it might be a good idea to move her last sentence forward and have a silent
ending, as henry obviously only reacts to peggy's touch, and no longer to her voice or anything else. i think you're right and her reaction should then also be physical; caressing his face would make
the most sense, no?
thanks again, and send me links to your pieces.