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Vandana Natu (Monday, 23 July 2012 13:06)
Really sweet story. I can think of only 2 reasons why it didn't make it. One - The production requirements. The filmmaker would need to shoot in the underground metro station and a fast-food joint
(where it is difficult to shoot without permission). Two - The action points mention things which the viewer is unable to see. For eg. "He recalls his girl friend who he loved very much. He had
planned to marry her but everything went wrong for no good"....it is not clear what are the visuals the viewer is seeing at this point which will convey this mentioned action.
ALl the best. Hope some filmmaker who has access to metro & haldiram picks your script to film for the 'near kisses' section.
Steve Hunt (Monday, 23 July 2012 17:34)
Concept is absolutely fine and portable. The recollection bits would be possible, I guess, through using flashbacks, faded/superimposed in and out or cut in and out... the fast food joint... well,
there could be use of a set, but then that adds to the cost... but concept wise its fine. The only thing that would worry me a bit is yes, theres a reunion, but theres not the "explanation" in the
story that would justify the necessary release of tension at the end to give it a real lift. Just my very amateur humble opinion, naturally. Others might see a lot more in it. :o)
Manohar Bhatia. (Tuesday, 24 July 2012 13:51)
This entry of Khurshid Alam could not have gone unnoticed.I found there is a delicate suspence in this theme, when Jim gets lost in his thoughts and thinks about Shona; other attachments, like
Haldiram's outlet, Metro Station, Led, all add to the story beautifully.
David (Wednesday, 25 July 2012 11:26)
If I were to prescribe a script for learning to the students, I'd recommend this script for sure. In a two-minutes script, the writer has put in many things: theme, structure, texture, love,
re-union, and the kiss.