Screentest by David Sartof

A son’s troubled relationship with his father is resolved when he and his sister discover a 16mm movie clip made on Valentine’s Day in 1964.
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Comments: 4
  • #1

    Sam (Sunday, 22 July 2012 07:05)

    I thought this was a very interesting script. It defintely caught my attention and I was curious. However, there were a few things. One, it didn't flow from one scene to the next. I know its hard given only two pages, but then perhaps you have to pick a different way to approach it because it came off as if there was a funeral and then bam noone really cared. And also, why i'm guessing MAINLY that your script wasnt chosen was because this is not producible material. There is no way for someone to film Andy Warhol, and if they choose someone else, the story doesnt hit you as hard.
    However, I tip my hat off to you on your creativity!

  • #2

    David (Sunday, 22 July 2012 15:10)

    Sam, thank you for stopping by to read "Screentest" and for your comments.

    I hadn't really thought it unproducible, given that biopics are often produced featuring famous figures from the past. A good wig and a little makeup would work. But I guess one really needs to know a little bit about Andy Warhol to appreciate it.

    I’m working on a period-feature at the moment, where I do similarly “creative” things with history!

  • #3

    Milethia (Monday, 23 July 2012 23:14)

    Well-written; good dialogue; inventive.

    However, I don't think you need to reference Andy Warhol; the piece would work well if it was simply the discovery of a father's film, showing him and his boyfriend, by the father's children.

    I feel there needs to be more indication of mother and daughter's emotions at the funeral, to contrast with Brian's.

    The problem might be in using someone who existed - especially someone recent. Many people would believe what they are viewing is factual, which is the problem if it's not. Unless you know something we don't? Also, as you said yourself, people would have to appreciate/know Andy Warhol to truly appreciate it.

    Also, if - as I suspect - the son's indifference comes out of him having suspected there was more to his father than his father revealed, this needs to be shown in some way. You have one flashback, so you could have another where the young son stumbles in on his father watching the film - I don't know; something like that.

    All the best with this and all your writing.

  • #4

    David (Tuesday, 24 July 2012 11:39)

    Hi Milethia, I really appreciate you taking the time to read my script and for your feedback. You do make some very valid points. While I had appreciated the inclusion of AW might be problematic, I had not considered the boy friend being someone else. I think it would make a fascinating 5-10 minute short ...if I could find a willing director, that is! :)