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Sam (Sunday, 22 July 2012 19:20)
I can see how this concept could have potential, but to be honest it just didn't make sense to me. You go from having them be really into their looks, both waxing and plucking, etc. so you think
theres going to be some sort of physical interaction with them, but we never receive that sort of satisfaction. And then the monkey part, just threw me off and I didnt get it at all. I think the
biggest critique I could offer you though, was that a script cant be based off of scene description, and that's all yours was. It's not cinematically engaging- and the thing was yours had potential
for dialogue, even if it was just Tracy talking to someone next to her, or shouting onto the field, or mumbling to herself. Also, using POV all the time took me out of the story. I would suggest
using all caps if you want to focus on the ENVELOPE or something like that. So good luck next time. I think you have potential, you just need to work on it a little more!
Shane (Sunday, 22 July 2012 19:25)
Nice idea, but this would be nearly impossible to film. Unless youre going to get a football stadium full of people and a sadistic monkey together.