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Steven JC Johnson (Friday, 20 July 2012 20:05)
That was brilliantly mental! Loved it! :)
Chris (Friday, 20 July 2012 20:11)
I really liked this. Very odd, funny, creepy, dark... I think the quality of those scripts that made the cut must be very good.
Maybe a bit more development of the Gavin character and a little less dialogue...
Jaye (Saturday, 21 July 2012 18:00)
What a script - something out of Dr Who! Shame it didn't make the cut would love to see this as a two minute movie.
Nigel Sheppard (Monday, 23 July 2012 14:23)
Truly funny. Great effort, shame it didn't make it through.
Bob (Wednesday, 25 July 2012 09:40)
It's a clever idea. Maybe shorten your descriptions (2-3 lines max) and reduce dialogue - for example you wrote 'Alright then! I've warned you enough times. Think you can make a fool out of me?
I think this is rendered better as '(Right). Make a fool out of me?' because it's more true to way people speak. Think its got potential but a few more edits.