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Nigel Sheppard (Monday, 23 July 2012 11:21)
Interesting one this, it leaves you wondering what the hell happened in between. Unlucky for not getting through.
John (Monday, 23 July 2012 12:02)
This didn't work for me. I found the dialogue too trying. A lot of it could have been left out, particularly Kate's comments about the music choice - it didnt drive the story forward, so wasnt
necessary. "And it felt
like standing on dry land and just
panhandling at the ocean. It was
the thing with feathers" lost me altogether. I read the two pages and realised that what it came across as was a nice piece of prose fiction that would make a good short story, but not a script. This
could say more about me than you, Sandy, so take on board what others feed back.
Sandy Nicholson (Monday, 23 July 2012 12:51)
Nigel, thanks, glad you enjoyed it!
John, I think those are all valid criticisms. The stuff is there for a reason but clearly that reason isn't coming across so needs some proper work. Thanks for the feedback, I appreciate it!
Despite the fact that apparently you posted that comment TEN MINUTES INTO THE FUTURE.
Craig (Wednesday, 25 July 2012 18:16)
The story didn't move forward (until the end when it jumped forwared years) Just left thinking why?