Beyond Control by Stephen James Hall

A grief stricken woman fights an SAS officer to reach her father as he lies dying.
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Comments: 7
  • #1

    Stephen (Monday, 23 July 2012 19:01)

    Hi all, I'd appreciate any comments - good or no so - to always learn and improve.

    If anyone wishes to take on the challenge to make a short film, then please make contact.

  • #2

    Anon (Tuesday, 24 July 2012 10:13)

    You have a page and three quarters which is solely about missing a cab. For that reason, your final twist has little impact. Missing the cab should be one line. Didn't get to know or empathise with your characters.

  • #3

    Stephen (Tuesday, 24 July 2012 13:58)

    Thanks for your comments Anon.

    The point about missing the taxi is the film. People blab on about something that isn't really important at times of death and at wakes. They put off saying what they really want to say.

  • #4

    Stephen (Tuesday, 24 July 2012 15:21)

    She blames herself for not getting there on time.

  • #5

    Craig (Friday, 27 July 2012 21:26)

    Why was she stopped? You say she blames herself so why dosen't she say that. I think what you are trying to say isn't coming across. If the whole story is about missing a taxi then I don't think it's enough.

  • #6

    Craig (Friday, 27 July 2012 21:32)

    Also you forgot the Valentine's bit.

  • #7

    Stephen (Monday, 30 July 2012 02:24)

    The man wanted the taxi, so stopped her getting into the taxi.

    Women often don't say what they mean; it's up to men to guess.

    The Valentine's line is in there.