Rock Star Valentine by J Suriano

An ageing rock star meets his real valentine.
Rock Star Valentine - writesuriano@gmail
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Comments: 3
  • #1

    Milethia (Saturday, 28 July 2012 10:11)

    I liked the twist at the end. Thought he was going home to his wife, but it turned out to be his gran. Sweet idea.

    A few things I picked up on.

    'Rab had a busy night, playing at a private function in the
    far east. Now he’s flown back to London for a Hyde Park
    reunion concert with his old band. They settle in backstage.'

    Viewers will not see any of the above. You haven't shown a busy night; haven't shown him at a privatge function, etc.

    Also, the backstage bit should be a scene heading.

    You don't always define your scene headings. For example, at the end, when he's outside his gran's house, you write


    when it should be something like -


    All the best.

  • #2

    J Suriano (Saturday, 28 July 2012 11:19)

    Thanks for taking the time to read and the kind feedback. Reason I left out the scenes of the busy night/concert was mainly to make it easier to film and to fit in two pages, but appreciate the comments/structural points. Thanks again

  • #3

    Milethia (Saturday, 28 July 2012 13:37)

    Hi. Just to clarify... I didn't mean that you should put those scenes in, just that they are redundant in screenplay writing terms. As you rightly say, they would be difficult to include in a two minute, low budget piece. All the best with this and other writing.