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Milethia (Saturday, 28 July 2012 22:05)
Hi. This piece has room for development. I'm not quite sure whether you are aiming for a comedy with this short, but this piece felt more like it could have been a scene from a sitcom or a sketch
show. The names Tilda Lush and Roy Crispin also, to me, lent themselves to a sketch show.
I first thought, if Tilda thinks James and Glenda are together, why would she then drag Roy out of the door in front of Glenda? But if this were to be for a sketch show, that would be okay.
Tilda surveys the scene, checking out the other men present but is clearly not impressed.
Look at ‘em. All single and all for
a good reason. Why do I get my
Just as an example, in this section you say that she is not impressed, but what is she seeing? More visuals... like someone winking at her across the room; someone licking his lips... etc.
All the best with your writing.