Oink by Ana Vilenica

Two people, one present and no more love.
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Comments: 2
  • #1

    Milethia (Saturday, 28 July 2012 22:23)


    Nice use of Valentine's day to show a couple's relationship at its end.

    You name your characters YOUNG WOMAN and YOUNG MAN and then refer to them as MAN and WOMAN when they speak. I always think it's best to name your characters.

    There is a sense that something has occurred between the two, though the issue isn't verbalised, which is good, and I like the gift that marks his, I guess, betrayal of the girl.

    Bottom of page one - I think it's a spell check error - it says 'hearths' when it should read 'hearts'.

    All the best with your writing.

  • #2

    Ana (Monday, 30 July 2012 22:27)

    Thank you so much Milethia for your comment. I am happy and so excited to receive a feedback and I will definitely take it in consideration.