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Milethia (Saturday, 28 July 2012 14:21)
I like this concept of a man nervously waiting to hear the results of a game on the radio, while his other half gets ready, but I think you could possibly explore the comic potential of this. At
present it reads just as a man listening to a game, which doesn't necessarily make it dramatic enough. As I was reading it, I imagined him peering through at his wife, checking he progress, having to
answer his questions about how she was looking; was the dress right; 'No. Not that one,' as he tries to stall her.
I feel that you need more involvement with Charlotte for this to reach its potential.
Also, for this competition, it wasn't clear that it was set on Valentine's night.
Remember FADE IN at the beginning and FADE OUT at the end.
All the best.
Milethia (Tuesday, 31 July 2012 10:02)
Oh yes. 'Valentine's night special.' Silly me.