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Rachel (Monday, 13 August 2012 13:17)
Thank you Mark for your comments.
I wanted to play around with the 'you need to buy (blank) or else you don't love someone message that gets pushed at us around Valentine's Day. Hence the futile pursuit of the scanner.
Re. the qualifier for the wink, perhaps I should have used 'knowing' - Mike's rather happy he's getting closer to the girl and the scanner isn't.
Mark W. (Sunday, 12 August 2012 15:22)
A clever twist - romance from the POV of a sentient supermarket scanner.
Especially love Tina wiping off her lip-print and the scanner selecting items to signify its love.
Only a few quibbles - suggest putting (O.S.) next to Mike's first line of dialogue and Tina's first kiss (to make it clear they're out-of-vision and the scanner/screen is black). Plus, not sure about
the ending - scanner flashes and "Mike squirms in blinking agony" yet he winks back at the scanner in a knowing, friendly way...?
A well-deserved 'shortlist' entry!