Unbearable by Nick Luddington Draft 2
Draft Two Comments... have YOUR say!
Unbearable by Nick Luddington Draft 1
Draft One Producers Development Notes for the author
1. Consider changing the location from an amusement arcade to something that a lo-to-no budget filmmaker will be able to source.
2. We need to get into the story of the bears quicker. This is about the progression of a relationship as demonstrated by teddy bears. You say at the beginning that director should focus on the bears and then have almost a page of dialogue focusing on the people. Consider cutting the dialogue and allowing the story to visually play out...
3. We need more fun scenes of the bears acting out the foibles of this couples relationship. Pay off the promise of the premise. Focus on the bears. Focus on progression of the relationship.
4. There is a short film you should watch called Milk. Shot for Friends of the Earth, it shows two plastic milk cartons in love. Look at how this uses visuals – see if there is anything you can incorporate into unbearable. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MRt4lEXkDJs
Have your say, what do you think?