First, Last, Best by Jennifer Leigh Allen Draft 2

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Draft Two Comments... have YOUR say!

Comments: 1
  • #1

    Peter Bunzl (Wednesday, 29 August 2012 19:10)

    I liked this script, its my favourite of the ones I read, and the only one that relies on montage and it seems like it would be very music driven.

    I agree with all the comments . I would end on her kissing her baby in the same way her mother kissed her. Also I would jump cut from the waiter throwing confetti to people at their wedding throwing confetti, which maybe you intended but you could have made that clear in the script.

First, Last, Best by Jennifer Leigh Allen Draft 1

A woman shares kisses of every size, shape and form before finally finding love.
First, Last, Best DRAFT 1.pdf
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Draft One Producers Development Notes for the author

1. Really think about these vignettes of her kisses.  Do they powerfully describe her journey through life? Are they the best ones you can come up?  Also strip out where you can anything too repetitive Iike, 2 teenage sloppy kisses.

2. We felt the ending needed to be strengthened. How can that be done? Would it work if her date at the end was a woman? Or if it came full circle – she is kissing her child? That would mean falling in love with the boy is one vignette.

3. Read '60 Year Valentine' - how can you differentiate yourself from this script?

Have your say, what do you think?

Comments: 14 (Discussion closed)
  • #1

    Andre Lang (Friday, 03 August 2012 14:05)

    Kiss' evolution! Great idea! Congratulations!

  • #2

    Jon Mills (Friday, 03 August 2012 17:26)

    Nice idea, well executed. It would be a massive undertaking to film all the different ages/kisses, especially for the end montage; but if done properly it could be great. Just one question - possibly me being stupid, but I didn't get the scene in the flat (where she's crying and there's a naked girl running off) - is this a threesome that's gone wrong, or has she discovered her boyfriend with the naked girl..?

  • #3

    Arthur (Saturday, 04 August 2012 03:03)

    Perhaps have some recurring motif/distinctive feature through out? A necklace, or a bow in her hair, or even just a colour or summat. Just summat small that she carries through life, so that it's clearly all Melissa, not just a collection of girls.

  • #4

    Damian Mallon (Saturday, 04 August 2012 13:31)

    This has the potential to be a visual tour de force. A lot of work to film, but if done right it will be fantastic.

    @ #2, The way I read it was that the Man in the crying/naked girl scene is the same as the one leaving the restaurant two scenes earlier, now having been caught cheating. I think that this incident would devalue the idea of a kiss for Melissa, giving the kiss with Jack more meaning and cementing the 'best' idea from the title. To further reinforce this I would have the Man standing in the hosiptal room with Melissa as her father is dying, but with body language denoting a lack of empathy.

  • #5

    John (Saturday, 04 August 2012 15:59)

    Well written and visually strong. Big undertaking to film, but if executed properly this could be great!

  • #6

    Jon Mills (Saturday, 04 August 2012 18:48)


    I think I was thrown by the man kissing Melissa whilst the naked woman runs off - I've known some bastards over the years, but not many who'd try and kiss their partner immediately after being discovered cheating...

    Maybe just needs a bit of clearing up - to be honest I'm not sure a fleeing naked woman is the best way of showing adultery, it's a bit Confessions of a Milkman for me. Perhaps if it was Melissa and the man alone with some evidence of the affair laid out on the table, her crying and the guy kissing her, trying to get forgiveness. The evidence could be some receipts, even a mobile with suspicious texts on - the audience will be smart enough to figure it out.


  • #7

    Brian (Monday, 06 August 2012 13:27)

    Beautifully simple story - a challenge to shoot, to be sure, but if done well, this could be a pivotal script in the final film.

    Directorially I would possibly look to ending by zooming back through all her kisses to her first kiss from her mother as a newborn - sort of a 'potential for love' story.

    I really like the possibilities with this script - Nice One!

  • #8

    Glyn Carter (Tuesday, 07 August 2012 00:46)

    Nice idea - a 2 minute biopic. Why not! Including the final montage, I count 27 kisses/scenes, plus the 4 specifically with Jack. 2 seconds per kiss on average. The whole film is a montage.

    I wonder if the scenes with Jack should follow the same structure as the others, with a kiss of some kind in each...

  • #9

    Kingsley (Tuesday, 07 August 2012 17:19)

    Lovely script, I nearly entered something similar myself. The only issue I have is that it would be nice to keep the kiss thing going throughout the entire film, it feels uncomfortable with smooth running scenes all with kisses, which are then interrupted by the four scenes when she meets Jack all with no kiss. well done!

  • #10

    Craig (Wednesday, 08 August 2012 18:59)

    I like it but would have thought this would have fallen into the "too difficult to make" category? (a rule made by the judges, not me.)

    As for the script I can see it working but as said before have the 4 scene without a kiss all in a row stops the flow.

    I would lose the first man and make Jake her first real love or shouldn't we see the flashes with him?

    Of course you will then lose the nudity. (and I think the judges like that!)

  • #11

    Ivy (Sunday, 12 August 2012 15:50)

    I love love love love love this!

  • #12

    Richard Green (Tuesday, 14 August 2012 04:22)

    Nice. Lots of scenes but one shot I assume. Nice and quick. Lovely feel about it. A good production manager will easily pull this together for you - good luck!

  • #13

    Layla (Thursday, 16 August 2012 22:44)

    Could really see this as I read through. Big task for the filmmaker, but look forward to seeing their interpretation.

  • #14

    Mike (Sunday, 19 August 2012 13:59)

    Just want to congratulate Jennifer on a truly brilliant script. The visualisations are perfect, and the story is lovely. Major kudos - wish I had access to the actors to be able to shoot this.