Boxes by Rhys Howell Draft 2
Draft Two Comments... have YOUR say!
Boxes by Rhys Howell Draft 1
Draft One Producers Development Notes for the author
1. You need to clarify this location – why would a 75 year old be in a dark warehouse looking at boxes of his old stuff unless it is a self storage depot, in which case a) state that it is b)
they tend to be very well lit. Is this the best location for the story? If it is a dark warehouse that he works in then would he be 75? Either way could a lo-to-no budget filmmaker get access to
it? How about setting it in an attic? Or a house?
2. Consider changing the ages of the male and female or changing the nature of the kiss – at the moment you have a 75 year old and 36 year old kissing passionately. This is unlikely to be cast properly and might look strange.
3. How can you strengthen the ending? Would an 18 year old be working beside a 75 year old? Does he need to be found? What is a better emotional high point that the story can end on?
Have your say, what do you think?